Some of my favorite revision strategies are to brain dump when I’m writing my first draft. It helps me to get all of my ideas out onto paper, so I can then cut back to make a more cohesive paper. When I don’t have any ideas t
o write a paper I will create columns of ideas to write about from all of my different sources, then I’ll use lines to connect ideas for synthesizing comparisons. A strategy I use for revision is to write down my thesis and all of my topic sentences. I use this to check to see my claim sentences are arguing what your paper is about. Before ENG 110 I didn’t use any of these strategies in writing, except for the brain dump technique. And I don’t really use these techniques outside of this class, since this is the only time that I write more creatively without a rigid structure. For future English papers though outside of ENG 110 I plan on using these techniques. These strategies will help me to write better papers in my future classes where I can write a little bit more creatively than my science classes.
My goal for this essay is to increase my word count and to create better transitions between my ideas. To do that I will need to elaborate more on the ideas that I have already written in my free draft. Then I need to add more content to my essay that was mentioned in the prompt that I hadn’t included in my free draft. Once I do those two things my word count should be at a good amount. And once I explain the ideas I already have more then my ideas should flow better, also after the addition of transitions between the ideas and paragraphs. My biggest challenge that I might face is including different kinds of media into my essay. So far I have just two pictures. I also plan on including hyperlinks to some basic ideas and to the articles I am citing. I am not sure what I am going to do for my third type of media. If there is a challenge that was unforeseen that comes up then I will see Professor Emerson about it. If there is a technical issue with the blog I know that I can visit the DigiSpace in Decary.
For media in my final project I plan to use different pictures throughout the essay. I’ll have different pictures that are in direct contrast with each other, like an example of what is beautiful and something that isn’t to be able to compare and contrast them to each other for a better visual effect. I also plan on citing different articles about beauty, here are a couple of examples.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2699193/
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/lexi-herrick/what-is-the-real-definition-of-beauty_b_8117790.html
- Introduction about Beauty
- 1st Paragraph–Talk about Society’s view of beauty, cite a beauty magazine
- 2nd Paragraph–Talk about my view on art, cite Lehrer
- 3rd Paragraph–Talk about Schiller, cite Schiller
- Include pictures of beauty with explanations throughout
I agree with Armstrong when he says, “To regard beauty as a luxury adornment or a social signifier was to miss the true potential of the experience.” By this he means that if we just view art as something to show high social status, or to view it as a luxury, then we have missed the meaning. The meaning is to simply enjoy something that both satisfies both of our forms, the sense and the form. I do think it is true though, that society views art as a luxury only for rich people, or to be hung up in museums. I believe that art can take many forms such as music, graffiti, tattoos, and murals. I think that something is beautiful when I get the ‘chills’ from looking at it and can’t pull away. Armstrong puts it similarly, “When we recongnise beauty… we see things that we know we have neglected or betrayed, and we feel an astonishing combination of anguish and delight”. He’s talking about a similar feeling of the ‘chills’ I mentioned earlier. Armstrong is talking about how we can feel like the piece of art is a missing piece of the puzzle of ourselves our society.
Mitchell Becker
Let’s Talk About Art Review
I really enjoyed Taylor’s presentation. Taylor presented an essay about tattoos. What I really enjoyed was looking at all of the pictures of tattoos of her friend. She explained that each of the tattoos had a special meaning to her friend, and they were beautiful. Taylor not only showed us how tattoos were art, but was also able to personalize it for us to help give it more meaning than just regular art. http://twilliams13.uneportfolio.org/eng-110/lets-talk-about-art/
I also enjoyed Max’s presentation about Beethoven’s Symphony No. 7. He not only gave some good background about Beethoven that was pertinent to the piece he played for us, he also played a video of the piece that grabbed our attention visually. The video showed visually the movement of the notes within the piece, and it was quite calming and enjoyable. Max wrote an essay about the piece, but it was really the video that helped his project become more than some of the other projects.Max’s project about classical music has influenced me to listen to classical music more often, especially maybe when I am doing my homework. http://jrusselliv.uneportfolio.org/lets-talk-about-art/
This is a paragraph from my free draft of the Arts Role in Science essay. I’ve highlighted all of the key terms, pointing terms, and transition words. I didn’t have any pointing terms, I should keep that in mind when I revise my paper. I’ve noticed I’v repeated a lot of my key terms not only in that paragraph but also in my entire essay. My essay is about art and science, but maybe I should reduce the number of times I repeat them. I seem to rely heavily on my key terms.
Jonah Lehrer’s main arguement is that the sciences need the arts. He says that right now we are limited in the way that the sciences are approaching the big questions. We need the arts in order to better understand science, and to lead to more explorations in the field of science.
Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle–asserting a fundamental limit to the precision with which certain pairs of physical properties of a particle, known as complementary variables, such as position x and momentum p, can be known.
The bridging principle–the neural event that would explain how the activity of our brain cells creates the subjective experience of consciousness
Reductionism–the practice of analyzing and describing a complex phenomenon in terms of phenomena that are held to represent a simpler or more fundamental level, especially when this is said to provide a sufficient explanation.
Synapse–a junction between two nerve cells, consisting of a minute gap across which impulses pass by diffusion of a neurotransmitter.
Epiphenomenon–a secondary effect or byproduct that arises from but does not causally influence a process, in particular.
Holistic perspective–means that we are interested in engaging and developing the whole person
Metaphor–a figure of speech in which a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is not literally applicable.
Niels Bohr was an enthusiast of cubist paintings. It was because of this that he came up with the Bohr model of an electron.
M.C. Escher drew the painting Relativity, which shows how art and science could be connected. Just like science, looking at the individual parts of the picture everything seems fine, but when you put them together you get an impossible whole.
Immediate Context–
Yo-Yo Ma had his essay “Necessary Edges: Arts, Empathy, and Education” originally published on the World-Post, an online news and blog site created through a partnership between liberal news aggregator the Huffington Post an nonpartisan think tank the Berggruen Institute on Governance. Ma’s essay was published in January 2014, the same year that the site was launched. I can tell from Ma’s bio that he is a big advocate and enthusiast for the arts.
Imposed Text–
My purpose for reading this text is to gain information for English class. I’m not reading this out of interest or for pleasure, but for information.
Internal Context–
Ma talks about the importance of art in STEM, now called STEAM. His essay is saying that the arts are an integral part of science, and that it is the edge of art and science where true innovation comes from. He argues that art should be crossed with science for a better educated person.
Unfamiliar Words–
empathetic-showing an ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
globalization-the process by which businesses or other organizations develop international influence or start operating on an international scale.
neural pathway-a pathway that serves to connect relatively distant areas of the brain or nervous system is a bundle of neurons, known collectively as white matter.
Original Quote:
If you are irreplaceable then you are doing good by their definition. “In equation form, Your Apparent Good Achieved minus the Good Your Counterfactual Replacement Would Have Achieved equals Your Actual Good Achieved” (Southan). I don’t agree with this idea of replaceability.
Revised Quote:
Southan says it more clearly as an equation. “In equation form, Your Apparent Good Achieved minus the Good Your Counterfactual Replacement Would Have Achieved equals Your Actual Good Achieved” (436). Southan is basically saying that in the EA’s eyes the actual good work that you do is what you can do above and beyond what somebody else in your position could have done.
Original Quote:
The EA base their ideology on Peter Singer’s thought experiment of the shallow pond analogy, in his book ‘Famine, Affluence, and Morality’. “Suppose you saw a child drowning in a pond: would you jump in and rescue her, even if you hadn’t pushed her in? Even if it meant ruining your clothes? It would be highly controversial to say ‘no’—and yet most of us manage to ignore those dying of poverty and preventable disease all over the world, though we could easily help them” (Southan). Singer brings up the point that our caring for other people is inconsistent and encourages us to dedicate our lives to ‘saving that drowning child’.
Revised Quote:
A well known moral philosopher Peter Singer published his thought experiment of the shallow pond analogy, in his book ‘Famine, Affluence, and Morality’ and Southan explains that the EA base their ideology on this thought experiment. “Suppose you saw a child drowning in a pond: would you jump in and rescue her, even if you hadn’t pushed her in? Even if it meant ruining your clothes? It would be highly controversial to say ‘no’—and yet most of us manage to ignore those dying of poverty and preventable disease all over the world, though we could easily help them” (435). The essence of Singer’s thought experiment is saying that if we would save a child drowning even if it meant a little bit of self-sacrifice, then why do we hesitate to help those ‘drowning’ because of poverty and disease? Singer brings up the point that our caring for other people is inconsistent and encourages us to dedicate our lives to ‘saving that drowning child’.
Original:
Effective Altruism has this idea of replaceability. In that if you are doing something, and somebody else could come along and do just as good a job as you are doing, then it isn’t good enough. You need to be better and do better than anybody else in your position could have. If you are irreplaceable then you are doing good by their definition. “In equation form, Your Apparent Good Achieved minus the Good Your Counterfactual Replacement Would Have Achieved equals Your Actual Good Achieved” (Southan). I don’t agree with this idea of replaceability. I believe that if somebody is doing good then it doesn’t matter that somebody else can do it just as good or better than them, the point is that the good deed was done, and Haas and Hahn exhibit this point well.
Revised:
Effective Altruism has this idea of replaceability. If you are doing a good deed that somebody else could be doing just as good a job as you are doing, then it isn’t good enough. To be irreplaceable you have to do better than anybody else could have. “In equation form, Your Apparent Good Achieved minus the Good Your Counterfactual Replacement Would Have Achieved equals Your Actual Good Achieved” (Southan). If you are irreplaceable then you are doing good by their definition/equation. I don’t agree with this idea of replaceability. I believe that if somebody is doing good then it doesn’t matter that somebody else can do it just as good or better than them, the point is that the good deed was done, and Haas and Hahn exhibit this point well.
Original:
Now this complicates things, because most artists aren’t going on to the front lines helping people who need us the most. However, most artists can go the front lines and document what is happening, especially in areas that aren’t being helped yet. Artists can go to a different country, spend time with the people there, and expose the rest of the world to what is going on, and how those people specifically need help. Some people don’t have the ability to ‘save the drowning child’, but they can ‘shout and send help’. Artists take pictures or paint paintings of horrific things that are happening in this world and advertise it to people. If they can show what is happening to a large amount of people, then those people collectively can help those people that are in need. They can also help create groups to get the attention of the government or people in charge to be able to make change on a large scale.
Revised:
Now this complicates things, because most artists aren’t going to the front lines helping people who need us the most. However, most artists can go the front lines and document what is happening, especially in areas that aren’t being helped yet. Artists can go to a different country, spend time with the people there, and expose the rest of the world to what is going on, and how the people in need specifically need help. Some people don’t have the ability to ‘save the drowning child’, but artists can ‘shout and send help’. Artists take pictures or paint paintings of horrific things that are happening in this world and advertise it to the public. If they can show what is happening to the general public, then everybody collectively can help those people that are in need. They can also help create groups to get the attention of the government or people in charge to be able to make change on a large scale.
Overall the changes that I’ve made were to help clarify the sentences that I had already written. Because what I had written was confusing and not clearly defined. The sections from the reading were the defining section, classifying, and the repetition section.
