Learning Outcome 1
At the beginning of this semester I did just as Sommers’ said that college level students tend to do. Which is to just change my words around and to make small sentence changes to make it sound better reworded, but still keeping my essay basically the same as my draft (Sommers). However, throughout the semester I learned that I can change my essay after my first draft, and that it might take more than one round of revision to get what I want to say clear in my essay. I’ve learned to change my message of my essay in my revision instead of just changing my words. For example, in my First Draft of my Significant Writing Project, my thesis wasn’t lining up with what I was saying in my essay. In revision I added a couple more paragraphs to have my thesis properly supported. You can see this in my second paragraph of my final draft, “Beauty is vital…creating a more wholesome person”. This paragraph wasn’t there before, but I decided to add it to add more clarity to my argument and my paper as a whole.
Learning Outcome 2
In my paper I used the sources to help support my argument, or to analyze my experiences in light of the sources. For example, I had used a quotation from Armstrong’s essay of Schiller explaining the different drives that define true beauty. “ Schiller says that there are two different powerful psychological drives at work. ‘On the one hand, there is the ‘sense’ drive which lives in the moment and seeks immediate gratification…[the second drive] was the ‘form’ drive: the inner demand for coherence over time, for abstract understanding and rational order”. Then I had explained how my experience of beauty could be explained by Schiller’s drives. ‘(2). It was when both of these drives were seen at the same time is when we see true beauty. “The sunset also helps to fill both of the drives described by Schiller. It filled the ‘sense’ drive and was immediately gratifying to see the prettiness in the ambre of colors. While also fulfilling the ‘form’ drive, the complexity in having the light from the sun hit the dust particles in the sky to cause such varying wavelengths in color is satisfying from an order and scientific perspective”. I first introduce the quote, then have the quote, and then explain the quote in terms of my argument.
Learning Outcome 4
When I peer review an essay I try to look at the argument as a whole. I will offer advice about moving a paragraph in the essay to make it flow better, or give the writer another idea to write about if they are concerned about making word count. In comment number seven of the marked significant project I wrote about how changing the quote that they were using could help further their argument better than the quote that they were currently using. “I like that you quoted Lehrer in this paragraph, but I feel like there is a better quote from his essay that you could use. Maybe something where he talks about the limitations of just science, without the arts.” I won’t change the message that the writer is trying to get across, but I will help them make whatever their message is more clear.
Learning Outcome 5 and 6
In my significant project I showcased my ability to cite other’s sources correctly using MLA format. My quotations all have quotation marks and in text citations when appropriate. I also have a works cited page where I have a complete MLA citation of all my sources. Here is an example of a citation from my paper, “Heidi Klum – WOMEN’S HEALTH Magazine – March 2014 Cover.” Celeb Mafia, 4 Feb. 2014, celebmafia.com/heidi-klum-womens-health-magazine-march-2014-cover-54932/. When I revise I not only revise globally, but I also focus on local revisions. I tend to focus on my commas because I usually use them incorrectly.
