My goal for revising my paper is to create a better flow of my essay, and to create better evidence. This is based on the peer revision session, I’m going to look at their comments to see what I need to change about my text. To create a better flow of my paper I plan on revising my transition sentences or adding any that weren’t there before. Then I will go back to my quotes and explain what they mean immediately after the quote before going to talk about my opinion of what they are saying.  I am also going to read out-loud, so that I can catch mistakes or jumps in logic that I wouldn’t normally see just reading it. I also plan on going back through the text and reading it again, to find another point that I might have missed, or to find more evidence to support my claims. To check the efficiency of my essay, I’m going to write out all of my claims underneath my thesis, to make sure that everything I’m writing is pertinent to my essay, and that I don’t stray from my main idea. My biggest challenge personally is writing transition sentences. I find it really difficult to connect Southan and the Ted Talk, because they don’t relate exactly, so it’s hard to lead into each of them. If a challenge comes up and I’m stumped on what to do, I will either look at the comments from my peer review, or I will contact one of the peers who reviewed my essay for assistance. I also have the Seagull Handbook and the They Say I Say books as resources to also assist me.

Ideas– I really like the connection you made from art to history, and how it can affect people. It fits well with your thesis.

I am highlighting a good idea that was said, and how it connects back to the thesis.

Evidence– It would be helpful to connect this back to making a powerful message with art.

I am suggesting that it would help if there was evidence for what was said, and to connect it back to a main idea of the paper.

Organization– I think this would work good in the second paragraph or the first full paragraph on you last page (referring to a paragraph that he wanted to include but wasn’t sure where).

Moving a paragraph where it was currently, and placing it where it fits better in the flow.

As frustrating as it was to ignore the local edits until after the global edit revision, I understand why. Because it would be a waste of time if a global edit was made that caused a whole paragraph to be deleted and there were many local edits made in it. It is much more efficient to get the ideas onto the paper in the proper order, before making fine-tuning adjustments. I feel like critiquing my classmates writing has helped me to become a better writer. Now I have a better sense, and can explain why some things need to be in a certain order. And also why things need explaining and context. I’ve realized that context is really important, because reading those essays right away was confusing, if I don’t know which Ted Talk they are talking about, or if I didn’t know who Southan was. This emphasized that my reader doesn’t always know what I know, and I need to be aware of that when I’m writing. This has also opened me up to being able to revise my essays multiple times, if I read it out loud, I’ll be able to catch mistakes and make a better essay.

Critiquing my peers work was a good experience. It was able to help me identify good and bad techniques that I can apply to my own writing. Normally I don’t think about how I am writing, but doing this exercise made me exam writing, and good techniques. For example, I could do a better job of summarizing the Ted Talk and Southan’s essay, and then comparing the two. Also, analyzing my peer’s works can give me insight on what else I could be doing, because they may have been taught differently and I could get a new perspective on writing.

Summary of the Ted Talk Haas & Hahn: How painting can transform communities

These two artists Haas and Hahn with some assistance from people in the community painted murals on the sides of buildings that were in rough shape. They went to communities that were slums or were notorious for crimes and violence. They were painters and wanted to help change peoples’ perceptions of the neighborhoods, so they did what they could do and painted. Haas and Hahn painted huge murals with lots of colors and really brightened up entire streets. They did what they could to help communities come together and create something new.

Summary of Southan’s Essay: Is Art a Waste of Time?

Southan describes the organization that he went on a trip with called Effective Altruism. In their beliefs they say that art is a waste of time and that resources put in to creating is a waste because that money could go towards directly helping people, like medicine and food. They are say that all art is for selfish reasons, and they are a selfless organization. Southan found that the only art that they would find to be useful would be to further advertise the EA. Being and artist Southan is conflicted with his passion of art and the innate want to help people who are suffering. He comes to terms with it in the end by sticking to his art and being content with only being ‘net-positive’ in what he does.

After I read Southan’s essay I really thought that art was selfish, that if another artist had come out with the same painting that another one had created then the first artist would feel cheated. That artists don’t create art for the sake of creating it but create so that they will get praise. However, I saw the Ted Talk about what Haas and Hahn did for those neighborhoods and I had a totally different perspective. I saw that they did it selflessly and didn’t do it for the credit. They painted those murals for the benefit of the communities, and that they would be just as happy if somebody else had painted it.

Now I can clearly see that both perspectives exist in the same world. There is art that is out there in galleries for other people to look at and to congratulate the artist, and there is also art done selflessly for the benefit of others. I believe that art is neither selfish nor selfless, it is the person that creates it. Art is just a mode of self-expression. Art is just like a scientific discovery. If somebody discovered a ‘wonder drug’ and decided to sell it at the highest price possible so that they could make a profit then that would be selfish, but if they sold it where they were just breaking even or even at a loss then that would be selfless. Not all art is a waste of time.

Blog 2–Glossing over Southan’s essay

Blog 1–Is Art a Waste of Time?